Love.
Monday, August 16, 2004
"Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds."
Hugh Elliott, Standing Room Only weblog, February 16, 2004
Everyone thinks about something different when you say "Love." It's like looking into a kaleidoscope. Everyone is seeing the same bits and pieces, but no one ever sees exactly the same thing. So, it would be impossible to define love in such a way that everyone everywhere would know what you were talking about. But, it is possible to share one's feelings and interpretations on love.
If I were to try and list out all the different types of love I could be here for quite a while. Since I have neither the time nor the inclination, I will be as brief as possible in describing the types of love. According to a Psychology Today article from the March/April Issue of 1993 entitled: "The colors of Love" there are 6 ways in which humans commonly love.
Agape:
This refers to all-encompassing love of everyone. Selfless love. This is the type of love that is often attributed to the Holy Trinity in Christian religions. This is not to say that other religions don't attribute this type of love to their deities, I'm just not as familiar with other religions. This type of love is one in which the person who loves, does so with no expectations of the person(s) that they love.
Eros:
This is passionate love. This is the love that they write about in the cheap "romance" novels that you find at the supermarket. Lust. Sexual love. This is one of the most primal feelings that we as humans can feel. The desire to have sex. Also, one of the most beautiful and dangerous forms of love.
Ludus:
This is the game-playing form of love. Love is meant to be shared with a lot of people without any deep emotional attachment being made. This makes me think of the men and women who are merely out for "conquests." This type of love is usually short-lived.
Storge:
This is the type of love that develops between two friends. It is usually a long-lasting type of love that develops slowly over time. Depending on how you look at it, this is probably the best type of love if you are interested in making a relationship last.
Pragma:
This is where places like EHarmony.com, Matchmaker.com, and SingleMe.com make their money from. This is the 'Laundry-list' type of love where the participants are looking for particular qualities in their potential loves. This type of love can be long-lasting.
Mania:
This type of love is the possessive, jealous type of love. It usually stems from insecurity on the part of the lover. This can be a very dangerous type of love and can lead to abusive relationships. This can be short-lived or long-lived depending upon the people involved.
These are only a few of the types of love there are. I have decide to include a few of the types of love that I see that were not included.
Parental:
This is the type of love that parents feel towards their children. It includes the maternal and paternal instincts. This, usually immutable, love is prevalent throughout most of our lives. The parallel of this is the love that the child or children feel for the parent(s) or caregiver(s).
Fraternal/Sororal:
This is the love that is felt between close friends. The love that you feel for those men and women that you share a bond or other close tie with.
Materialistic:
To say that love is only between two humans is to deny a whole range of emotional attachments that we have. There is a love that is felt, sometimes strongly, for a person's material goods. In men this is usually associated with a car, boat, or other means of transportation. However, it is not limited to men. We all have those certain goods that we love and would feel saddened if we were ever to lose them.
Note that, as I said earlier, this is not a complete list. Some types of love I have included because I have not thought to include them while others I have deliberately left out.
Love is so many things to so many people. There are people in my life that I love in each of the ways that I have described. Some of my feelings are fleeting, while others, no matter how hard I try, will not go away. Some I have no control over, some I do. Love is a wonderful thing. It can lead us to the brink of sanity and then push us over.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I love someone, but I am not in love with them. This feeling is a mixture of so many of the types of love that I listed that I cannot begin to classify it. I don't have that "oh the world is great" feeling of being in love. I merely love this person regardless and I love spending time with her. Even if she doesn't love me back, it doesn't matter.
There are many great quotes on love and I think that Robin William's character had one of the better ones in Good Will Hunting:
"I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself."Here's to all the people in my life that I love. If you don't know it, then this is to tell you that I love you.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:48 PM
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