U.S. Generosity
Friday, December 31, 2004
As we all know, the death toll from the Tsunami is now well over 100,000 people. This event is terrible and extremely unfortunate. However, some people, (namely Jan Egeland the U.N. Under-Secretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs), have tried to paint the United States and other nations as being "stingy" in their giving for relief. Initially, the U.S. gave $35 million to help victims of the tsunami (Australia gave $27 million and Great Britain gave $62.5 million). But apparently the U.S. contribution wasn't enough for some people. *cough* *Jan Egeland* *cough* So what do we have to do now? We've pledged an additional $350 million. That brings our total up to $385 million. Great. We've pledged over 1/3rd of a billion dollars to help these people out.
However, I still have a couple of questions. Namely, how much of that "relief money" will be used to line the pockets of "officials" in the countries where aid is needed? But more importantly I ask Jan Egeland and the rest of the world where they were when Florida was hit by 3 hurricanes earlier this year? Where was the worldwide contributions to help the victims of that natural disaster? Or is there a double standard? Do American disaster victims not rank as high as other victims around the world? Where are we supposed to get this money from? Does it grow on trees?
The rest of the world expects the United States to bleed money. They expect for us to open up our national checkbook every time something shitty happens somewhere. Well guess what? Israel alone receives $662 million dollars in Economic Aid from the U.S.! That also doesn't account for all of the military supplies and other things that we send to them. In the year 2003 alone, we gave $2.7395 billion dollars in aid to the rest of the God-damned world! How can you people even begin to call us stingy? It makes me want to puke.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:37 PM 1 comments
Random Survey
Friday, December 17, 2004
You know I'm hot, just tell me already!
I saw this on one of my friend's IM away messages. So I answered her version of the survey. now, she's apparently pissed off at me. Go figure. I mean, it's called BLUNT TRUTH. What did you expect? A spin-off of High Times?
Don't ask the questions if you don't want to know the answers.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 9:46 AM 0 comments
Enzyte
Friday, December 10, 2004
Ever notice how some companies will take oldies songs and use portions of them to promote their products? Well, I was thinking the other day and I came up with the perfect oldies song for Enzyte. (You know, the penis pills.)
The song would be the Four Seasons' "Stay".
You could have the music play and then have the vocals come in on the line "Just a little bit longer." Then, fade out the vocals and have the announcer talk some more. Then you bring up the vocals on the lines "Now, your Daddy don't mind; and your Momma don't mind." Fade out vocals. After the announcer promotes the product and dances all around the issue of what it actually does, you could bring up vocals on the line "Won't you say you love me all of the tii-i-i-i-i-i-ime." Then just repeat "Just a little bit longer" as needed.
I have too much free time on my hands.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:17 PM 0 comments
Parenting
Monday, December 06, 2004
I don't have kids. The problem that I find is that anyone can have a kid. There are no rules or guidelines about parenting. Oh sure, you have some laws that say that you can't abuse or neglect your kid. But it still amazes me to no end that people are required to take a competency test to operate a motor vehicle, but are allowed to raise children with no education, experience, or guidelines. And we all know that raising a child is infinitely harder than driving a car. (You can't put parenting on cruise control.)
Therefore, I would like to propose that there be either state or nationally mandated educational classes for all parents who are pregnant or have had a child within the past year. The classes would incorporate basic home economics, including but not limited to: Balancing a checkbook and the effective use of funds, basic culinary skills, basic nutrition, child psychology, basic child-rearing techniques (survey course of different methods), and effective communication techniques (both with your child and with other family members).
Balancing a Checkbook/Effective use of Funds
This course would guide parents and parents-to-be in basic economics. This is not talking about the Gross Domestic Product. This is guiding people in how to effectively manage their paycheck so that they do not accumulate more debt than they can handle. It would advise people of the pitfalls of credit cards and how easy it is to get in debt with them.
Basic Culinary Skills
This course would teach people how to cook basic meals for a family. It would include all the necessary skills to be able to cook simple, low cost food for your family. Some of the parts of the course would include portion management (how to cook just the right amount), stove-top skills, using a microwave for more than just T.V. dinners, etc.
Basic Nutrition
This course would go hand in hand with the cooking course. It would be a guide for choosing foods that meet your families nutritional requirements.
Child Psychology
This would be a very basic course in how children think and act. The goal would be to give parents and potential parents an idea of why their child acts they way that they do.
Basic Child-Rearing Techniques (Survey Course)
This would range from changing diapers to helping with homework. This course would give people practice in the necessary skills required for raising a child. Also covered in this course would be different methods of raising a child. (Spanking vs. Timeout, etc.)
Effective Communication Techniques
This course outlines how to be able to better communicate with your child and family without resorting to yelling and screaming. Also included would be effective tips for disarming hostile situations that could lead to yelling. This course would probably be helpful in reducing the number of divorces every year.
One problem that I can foresee is scheduling. How do you fit all of these classes in with a job? That will be a difficulty in the early years of the licensing process. The solution is to incorporate the classes into the required courses for high school students. Once the student has completed the courses, then he or she will be given their license and allowed to have children.
Now I know that this will not cure all of the problems that our society has, but it will enable our parents to be more prepared for the arduous task of bringing up a well-rounded, polite child in today's world.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:42 PM 1 comments
I give up.
Friday, December 03, 2004
I give up on women. I'm tired of constantly having my heart stomped on. Hey, I've been living a celibate life (not by choice) for some time now, why not make it my decision? I'm thoroughly burned out on the whole process. I'm not just going to stop looking for a relationship, I'm going to start actively avoiding any type of relationship. Maybe I'll go back to being the "Mr. Stoic" that I was in high school. We'll see.
I've been told that it's when you stop looking that you find someone. Yeah, you find them, become smitten, then they go off with someone else. No thank you. I can do without that.
I'm not bitter because I'm single, quite the opposite.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:11 AM 0 comments
I think that I'm going to get a Vasectomy.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Last night I saw something so horrible that it made me want to never procreate. If you have never seen Fox's show Nanny 911, then count yourself lucky. This is a show where Nannys are called into homes where the parents have no control over their children. Then, within a week, the Nanny turns the entire family around and they are one big happy entity.
The only problem? I wanted to give those brats an ass-whooping of Biblical proportions only 5 minutes into the program. For Christ's sake, how can you let your kids get this bad? This program is the most effective form of birth control that I have ever come across. watching this show for the limited amount of time that I did only made me want to go get a vasectomy. That way, I won't have to ever deal with that particular form of hell.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 2:04 PM 0 comments
Recommended Reading:
Friday, November 26, 2004
Ender's Game Series
This is a book about a child genius who is sent to Battle School when he is 6 years old. He is sent because it is believed that he may be humanity's hope for survival against the buggers, an alien race that has tried to wipe out the human race twice. The book chronicles Ender's life as he is rapidly promoted through Battle School and the on to command School. Card does a great job of describing the battles that these armies of children go through. This series is truly one of the staples of any sci-fi reading experience. Although unconfirmed, I have heard that this is now required reading for some high school students.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 8:45 PM 0 comments
Happy National Civilization Steamroller Day!!
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Just think, if the Native Americans (or at least more native than we are) had realized how much they were gonna get screwed by us being here, things might be very different. I'm thankful that the Natives didn't look at the beads in their hands as they were paddling away from Manhattan Island and decide to scalp everyone that didn't have a tan. Oh well, progress is progress.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 9:00 AM 0 comments
Advice needed.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision. Thanks in advance guys.
I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my girlfriend. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.
Should I take it into a garage or should I buy some stuff from the local AutoZone and try to repair it myself?
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 4:15 PM 0 comments
New Pilgrims?
As we all know, the first settlers of America were rejects from England. To paraphrase Robin Williams: The puritans were too uptight, even for the British. So what did the Brits do? They kicked 'em out.
Flash forward to the present day. We have a bunch of people, mostly über-Christians, who are trying to censor everything. The whole Janet-Jackson boob incident? Need I say more? Now, I'm not trying to bash on all Christians, just the ones who can't live without inflicting themselves and their way of life on other people.
I guess the question that I'm getting at here is: Do you think that we will have another puritanical-type deportation? Will enough people get fed-up with having to deal with this stuff that we round them all up and send them packing? Maybe.
P.S. - The best way to evangelize? Just be as good a Christian as you can be. Don't go shoving it in other people's faces. Trust me, they'll see what you are doing.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 4:00 PM 0 comments
Machinima
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
I recently came across something called "Machinima." Apparently, this is the using of video game engines to create short movies. The word Machinima is a combination of the word "Machine" and either "cinema" or "animation." According to the entry on Wikipedia.org, Machinima may have gotten started in the "late 1970s and early 1980s."
I encourage everyone to go to Rooster Teeth Productions and check out Red vs. Blue and The Strangerhood. Red Vs. Blue is made using the Microsoft videogame Halo and now also Halo 2. It's a very funny series that is well done. (Actually something more along the lines of medium rare.) The only problem is that the series is on a rolling archive. This means that not all of the videos are available at the same time. However, there are several sites, such as RedVsBlue.net that host all of the episodes at once. Incidentally, RedVsBlue.net also is the home of a homage to the Red Vs. Blue series called: Sponsors Vs. Freeloaders. The Strangerhood is a machinima made using the Sims 2 videogame.
Go check out the great work that these people are doing.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 5:00 PM 0 comments
I saw this and thought that it looked amazing.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 4:53 PM 0 comments
Santa Clause and Buddha
This is an idea that came from my friend Daisy. Yes, the same guy who came up with the Personal Reality Deceleration Device. We were sitting around the other day talking about the holidays and he told me his thoughts on Santa Clause. I have basically gotten the gist of them here:
Santa Clause is Buddha for Christians. He's a big, fat guy who we welcome into our houses and present with food. Also, Santa Clause, like Buddha, tells us to just be good to one another. We're rewarded when we're good and punished when we are bad.
Yes, I know that this is not an exhaustive proof. Yes, I know that there are several "holes" in this theory. Guess what? It's a joke. Take it as such.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:03 PM 0 comments
Funny stuff that you can find on the Internet
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
This was originally posted on The Chaser News. The emphasis on the title and the last line are mine. Enjoy:
Teen's dying wish for Cameron Diaz blow job not granted
PHILADELPHIA, Monday: The parents of 15-year-old leukaemia patient Josh Morten, who last night passed away after a four year battle with the illness, said they were sorry not to have fulfilled his dying wish to get a blow job from Cameron Diaz.
The courageous teenager told his family two months ago that the one thing he'd really like before he died was to be sucked off by the successful Hollywood actress and former model.
"Josh never asked for much," his father confided. "He never complained about his illness, or made unrealistic demands. So when he requested fellatio from the star of Charlie's Angels and There’s Something About Mary we thought, sure, that’s the least we can do for him."
But attempts to grant Josh his dying wish proved much more difficult than the family had initially thought. Formal requests inviting the star to perform oral sex on their dying son were repeatedly declined.
"We wrote, we rang, we faxed," Mr Morten explained. "And every time it was the same answer: 'Sorry, Ms Diaz is currently unable to comply with your request.' I mean, how unsympathetic can you get? We're talking about a dying kid here! Would it kill her?"
Mr Morten even made a special trip to Los Angeles, to try to talk to the movie star personally outside the premiere of Gangs of New York. "The crowds were ten deep," he said, "and I'm there yelling out to her from the back: 'Will you go down on my son please!', but she didn’t want to know."
With hopes diminishing by the day, Mr Morten placed similar standby requests with the agents representing Catherine Zeta Jones, Jennifer Lopez and Salma Hayek, but in each case the stars refused to co-operate.
"Who do they think they are, these women!" railed Mr Morten. "They earn millions of dollars and swan about at fancy parties, but when they get a simple request to bring a smile to a young boy far less fortunate than them, they turn their back on you. What kind of world do we live in when a dying teenager can no longer get his cock sucked by a celebrity?"
Indeed, what kind of world do we live in?
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:20 PM 0 comments
Going to Australia
I think that if I had the money I would buy myself a 20ft. schooner and sail to Australia. Perhaps this is all because I've been listening to the song Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young. I've even thought of getting a job on a boat to Australia after I graduate. Work on the boat for passage. I think that would be great. ROugh winds, storms, blistered hands, and all of the other things. I think that is one of the experiences that can really turn a guy into a man. Well, We'll see what happens.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:45 PM 0 comments
How to be a Bastard
I've decided to start a new feature entitled How To Be A Bastard. These are just things that I've thought of. I don't recommend that you do any of them and I don't take any responsibility for any repercussions of your actions.
The Great American Smokeout
This Thursday, Nov. 18th, is the 28th annual Smokeout. You can check out the website here. This is when the American Cancer Society encourages people to quit smoking for one day.
On Thursday, I'm going to smoke a cigar in celebration of the Great American Smokeout. Just to be a bastard. I even made a sign for you to use:
Inspired by a sign at my local cigar shop.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 12:30 PM 4 comments
Why the rest of the world hates the U.S.
Goldschläger
Goldschläger is defined by DrinksMixer.com as "A clear swiss cinnamon schnapps, containing 24 carrot gold leaf flakes." This is why the rest of the world hates the united states. We are so filthy rich that we have drinks with gold in them. People starve in other countries and we find new ways to consume more. Yes, I know that Goldschläger is a swiss made drink, but I'm pretty sure that a lot of it is consumed here in the U.S.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 12:30 AM 1 comments
Police and the Use of Deadly Force
Monday, November 15, 2004
We have been discussing the use of force by police officers, deadly and non-deadly, in several of my classes. Then this morning I heard Mike Gallagher talking about a 6 year old boy in Florida who had been tasered. Here is an exceprt of the article from the Miami Herald:
Posted on Thu, Nov. 11, 2004It's stuff like this that makes me want to make changes to the way that policing is handled here in the U.S. I know that right now some of you are saying "Yeah, our officers shouldn't do stiff like that!"
Police used Taser gun to subdue 6-year-old student wielding piece of glass
BY SUSANNAH A. NESMITH
snesmith@herald.com
Miami-Dade police tasered a 6-year-old boy who was wielding a piece of glass in a school office and threatening to hurt himself, officials confirmed Thursday.
Police say they followed their own guidelines and only tasered the child because they were afraid he would hurt himself. But the incident has raised calls for the department tighten its policies regarding the use of the stun guns, which shoot 50,000 volts of electric current through a subject.
The incident happened on Oct. 20 at Kelsey Pharr Elementary School. The principal, Maria Mason, called 911 after the child, who has not been identified, broke a picture frame in the assistant principal's office. Then the boy began waving the piece of glass around, holding a security guard at bay.
Two Miami-Dade police officers responded, followed by a school police officer. When they got there, the boy already had a cut under his right eye and another on his hand from the glass. The three officers talked to the boy, trying to get him to put down the glass, according to a police report.
One of the officers slid a trash can to him, hoping he would throw the glass away if he didn't want to give it to any of the five adults there.
Then the officer contacted a supervisor to see if there was a policy specifically prohibiting the use of a stun gun on a child. There isn't, and the officer was told to do what she felt was necessary.
The two officers continued to try to talk to the child, who didn't respond.
Then he cut his own leg and the officers acted. One officer shocked him with the Taser while the other grabbed him, preventing him from falling on the ground.
There used to be what was called the "Fleeing Felon Rule." Basically, under this doctrine, a police officer could shoot a felon who was running away in order to stop them. As you can imagine this angered some people. Namely the people who were getting shot and their families. In the case of Tennessee vs Garner, that rule was changed. Now, the police officer has to have a reasonable belief that the felon will harm either themselves of someone else before the police officer can shoot at them. Yeah, I see the irony in hurting someone to stop them from hurting themselves.
You may be wondering how these two cases are related. Well, in my opinion, we should repeal the Tennessee vs Garner requirements, but we should give police rubber bullets instead of real ones. We should also expand the circumstances when police can fire their weapons. This way the police officers can just shoot someone in the ass with a rubber bullet. It would be cathartic to the officer. It would also reduce caseloads. More than likely after popping someone in the ass with a rubber bullet, the officer(s) would more than likely be lenient.
We could also have similar things for traffic violations. Say that you get pulled over for speeding. The officer gives you the option of taking the ticket or getting shot in the ass with a paintball gun from 15 feet away. I don't know about you, but I would take the paintball gun. We could even have the officers give you a towel to clean off with. Also, if the officer misses, then you get off without any warnings or anything. I think that it's a great plan.
If we had the "Shoot 'em in the Ass" plan that I just described, then the police could have just shot that uppity little 6 year old with a rubber bullet and it would have been over with. Teach that little punk about screwing with the police.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:23 PM 0 comments
Changes to the site
As you may have noticed, the GeorgeWBush.com news feed is no longer up. This is because it was no longer being updated. It's kind of pointless to try to bring you news from a source that doesn't update. But now we have something better. The News4sites.com people have come to my rescue. We now have a new section on the sidebar entitled "World at a Glance." This news feed brings up info from around the world. There are many options for what types of news feeds that I can put up. Let me know if you want me to change what type of news you get here.
Update: I forgot that I had requested another news feed. This one is at the top of the page, just underneath the title box. Enjoy.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:30 AM 0 comments
Random Thought
I'm not bitter because I'm single, quite the opposite.
Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:15 AM 0 comments
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