Bastardisms

I hate PETA...
Thursday, December 08, 2005

I know that I have already covered this subject before, but I feel passionately about it.

To anyone who has seen the site Meat.org, let me say "I'm sorry." I'm sorry that you had to witness that tripe from a group of terrorist harbingers. I know that sounds like a harsh indictment, but its true.

PETA members are involved in direct action campaigns (read: terrorist activities) every year. The people that throw paint on fur coats and hand out comic books that say "Your Mommy kills animals" are terrorists.

Terrorism isn't necessarily about violence for the sake of violence. It is very direct and very controlled violence. It is violence with a purpose. Although the violence may be direct at one group of people, that group may not be the intended recipient of the terrorism. The violence is designed to instill fear in the rest of us.

The activities that I described earlier have one desired effect: to make people afraid of reprisals if they wear fur or animal products.

What's more is that these people want you to be vegetarians for moral reasons.

Here is a screenshot of PETA's goveg.com website. (Emphasis added).

Point 1:At the top of the page, Paul McCartney is quoted as saying

"If anyone wants to save the planet, all they have to do is just stop eating meat. That's the single most important thing you can do."

No, Paul, not eating meat will not save the planet. Nothing will save the planet. It is physically impossible to save the planet. The planet is very old and has gone through several climate changes already. Nothing the human race can do will "Save the planet." Why? Because the planet will adapt no matter what. That and time is on the side of the planet. As it was said on Fight Club "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." You are not saving the planet, you are saving the humans.

Point 2:PETA is trying to claim that a vegetarian diet is the most humane diet there is. This rips that idea to shreds.

Point 3:While people like Paul McCartney, Alec Baldwin, and Alicia Silverstone sit around and preach that we shoudl save the animals, thousands of people in America go hungry. Thousands of people don't have enough food to feed their families. All of the money and effort designed to get people to switch to "alternative diets" could be better spent on feeding the poor. I have no sympathy for a group who wastes money on trivial issues like whether people eat meat or not.

If you really want to help animals, join a respectable group like the A.S.P.C.A. (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals). Don't let PETA's shock tactics fool you.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 8:13 PM 2 comments    

The P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act of Video Games.
Friday, December 02, 2005

I know that I have already posted on this, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit by and let the government intrude on what kinds of video games that I can play. I, personally, like and prefer violent video games. They are cathartic, especially after dealing with rush hour traffic. According to an article over at Gamespot.com, junior Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton and Senator Joseph Lieberman, both Democrats, have authored a bill that could possibly have some devastating effects on the video game industry.

In what amounts to the equivalent of the U.S.A. P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act for video games, this legislation would give the government unprecedented powers of regulation over the industry. What is interesting is that the ratings that the government wants to make law are those same self-imposed ratings that the industry came up with on its own.

If we already have a rating system in place that people are already abiding by, then why do we need to make it a law?

Senator Clinton has made some interesting remarks about why they authored this bill:

"video game content is getting more and more violent and sexually explicit."

In my opinion, it isn't the violence that is bothering them, rather it is the sexual content. Violence has been a part of video games ever since you could shoot down airplanes on your Atari system. What I'm having a problem understanding is how two Democrats could have a problem with the freedom of expression inherent in these video games. Wasn't it the democrats who were supportive of the artist who displayed a picture of the Virgin Mary made out of elephant feces and dead farm animals in 1999 at the Brooklyn Museum of Arts? I know that I am painting with broad strokes here, but in this case the generalization supports the point that typically it is the Democrats who are more liberal and allow more "controversial" stuff into the public arena because it broadens our minds.

Why is it that the left preaches that we should be tolerant of all beliefs, except for those that the right hold?

Another interesting quote from Senator Clinton is:

"A majority of parents are feeling increasingly victimized by a culture of violence that makes it difficult to protect their children against influences they find to be inappropriate,"

Isn't this the same thing that Christians everywhere are trying to do? "Protect their children against influences they find to be inappropriate?" We can't teach Creationism or even Intelligent Design as alternatives to Evolution? What about the influences that are already out there that parents don't want their children exposed to? Ex: Will & Grace, The L word, etc.

As is to be expected, the pissing match has already begun.

As the shirt says:


Shirt available for purchase here.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:58 PM 2 comments    

I got dumped.

I wrote another post on this, but it was too wordy and mainly for my own benefit. So, here is the boiled down version:

I got dumped on Sunday November 26th by a woman that I cared a lot for.

It hurts...a lot.

Listening to the version of "Wicked Game" by HIM helps a little bit.

I don't really know why she dumped me.

It hurts...a lot.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 7:00 PM 1 comments    

1 year of eXTReMe Tracking!!
Saturday, November 26, 2005

I have had this blog tracked by the good people over at eXTReMe Tracking for 1 whole year now. Here are the stats:

Unique Visitors:	2,044
Highest Day of Traffic:	20 May, Fri, 2005
Number of Visitors on that day:	47
Visitor Countries:	listed below

United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Germany, Netherlands, France, Australia, Bulgaria, Italy, Sweden, Belgium, Finland, Switzerland, India, Brazil, Mexico, Poland, Hungary, Spain, Japan, Singapore, Philippines, Denmark, Malaysia, Norway, New Zealand, Portugal, Thailand, Peru, Indonesia, Argentina, Ireland, Islamic Republic of Iran, South Africa, Turkey, Romania, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Colombia, Pakistan, Austria, United Arab Emirates, Israel, Saudi Arabia, Vietnam, Uruguay, Chile, Egypt, Lebanon, Czech Republic, Bosnia and Herzegovina, the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, Luxembourg, Iceland, Lithuania, Kuwait, Venezuela, Latvia, Yugoslavia, Sri Lanka, Qatar, Jordan, Croatia, Russian Federation, Cyprus, Costa Rica, Republic of Korea, Slovenia, and Greece

I would like to take the time now to thank everyone that has visited my site. If you are visiting from another country, feel free to post a comment and give a shout out.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:27 AM 0 comments    

The new Bond, James Bond.

I don't know if this is verified. I haven't been able to find anything about it anywhere else. On KVET 98.1's RateTheMusic Site there was a mini-article about how R&B star Usher wants to be the first black man to play James Bond.

I'm able to accept a blond James Bond ala Daniel Craig. He did exceptionally well in L4YER CAKE. I can accept him as James Bond namely because he is British. Usher, however, was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

That's all we need is a guy like Usher playing James Bond. If I were to have to recommend a black actor to take the part of 007, it would have to be someone like Morgan Freeman. Freeman is a distinguished actor who could bring something to the role that Usher or those of his ilk never could: class. Remember James Bond isn't just cool, he's classy, he's suave and debonair. He does not role up to Monte Carlo casinos in a Cadillac with spinners on the wheels!!

I sincerely hope that the Broccoli family treats the franchise right. Sean Connery started something great. Roger Moore carried the torch for too long. Timothy Dalton took the life out of it. But Pierce Brosnan brought it back from the dead and did so with style. Don't screw it up!

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:06 AM 0 comments    

Gamers are people too.
Monday, November 21, 2005

I want to apologize to anyone who saw tonight's (Nov. 21, 2005) episode of CSI: Miami. While normally, this is a great show and generally very real and accurate, tonight they created a picture of videogamers that I think will only reinforce the already negative image associated with gamers. To spoil the plot, what happened was that several college students were using a video game as the basis of their criminal activity. It turns out that the writer/developer of the game was providing weapons to help them out in order to boost sales of the game: "Urban Hell Raisers".

Unfortunately, thanks to people like Jack Thompson, this has become a widespread fear for many people. Reports that criminals had copies of certain games leads to a media frenzy about whether the video game was the cause of violence and speculations that criminals may be using video games as "trainers" abound. Let me se something straight here. Video Games Do NOT cause violence. Violence is something inherent within each and every person. It has to be. Humans did not evolve to become the top of the food chain by being pacifists. Humans had to fight in order to be where we are. Individuals however may not necessarily be inclined towards violence, and human society in general is not violent, but we all have violence within ourselves. Some people more than others have a very thin layer of civility separating them from being violent while others may take a lot to get to that core. What's more is that some either cannot or chose not to distinguish fantasy from reality. However, these are preexisting conditions. Yes, video games may be the catalyst for some people to behave violently, but for others they are the a means of escaping where they can act out aggresive fantasies in non-harmful ways.

Video games are not the problem. People are the problem. Individuals who cannot or will not distinguish reality from make beleive.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 11:13 PM 0 comments    

Justice upheld!
Thursday, November 17, 2005

Neither of these picture were used with permission.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 5:33 PM 0 comments    

What Makes A Good Video Game
Sunday, November 13, 2005

I've been a gamer for nearly all of my life. I remember having my Atari system and loving it. Then I remember being wowed as I guided an Italian plumber across the screen when I got my first nintendo. But what really got me into gaming was computer games. Ever since I first got on the Internet when I was in the 3rd grade (about 1989), I've been into computer games. So, now, despite all of the controversy surrounding video games, I thought that I would write about what I think makes a good video game.

1. Mods. Your game must have the capability to be easily modded and to have those mods easy to play. For reference, check out the Half-Life Series. These games have spawned some of the best mods in the industry. Cuonter-Strike is an all time favorite. What's more is that you can easily play any of the mods for this series with minimal frustration.

2. Decent Graphics I understand that at every time a game is released there is only so much that computers can do. That being said, the developers need to make sure that the game looks decent and makes full use of the possibilty of what is possible. Too many time have I been disappointed by games whose screen shots look nice but the gameplay fails to live up to the hype.

This isn't a comprehensive list, but something that I will update soon.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 9:40 PM 0 comments    

Video Games Don't Cause Violence...
Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I'm glad to see that there are some people who will stand up against the tide of groups targeting the wrong people in the whole video games/violence issue. The problem is that not matter what label you put on the box, there will still be a way for kids to get to the material. The issue here is not whether or not the video game makers are producing violent or sexually explicit video games, but what parents are doing to prevent their kids from getting to them.

I, personally, like violent video games. I have liked "shooters" from the first time that I played Duck Hunt. It was my choice to play those video games and my parents choice to let me. If a parent doesn't want their child to play violent video games, then there is a two-pronged approach that they need to take. First, obviously, they should not buy or rent violent video games for their children, nor allow their children to do so. Second, they need to tell the parents of their child's friends that their child is not allowed to play those types of games when they are visiting that child's house. This is a simple, yet effective solution to the dilemma of video games & violence. Why hasn't this worked though? It hasn't worked because it requires parents to actually be parents and take interest in what their children are doing, rather than just blame the video game industry.

The video game industry makes billions of dollars a year from the sale of video games, video game systems, and related products. They don't make all of this money from Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen's "Sweet 16" video game sales. They make it from the 16 - 25 year old male demographic that buys typically violent video games.

To all of the people out there that want to outlaw violent video games I have this question: "What do you plan to do for all of the people that lose their jobs when you outlaw violent video games?" also "How are you going to stop the gaming community from making their own 'mods' and 'total conversions'?"

Step up and be a parent, don't blame gamers because you don't take care of your kids.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:25 AM 2 comments    

The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Monday, October 03, 2005

If you get the chance, then go see The Exorcism of Emily Rose. This movie kicks the shit out The Exorcist. The movie centers around the trial of Father Moore and presents the prosecution's Medical arguments of what was happening to Emily as well as the defense's Spiritual arguments. This movie was the first in a long time that genuinely scared me.

For a listing of The Roman Ritual of Exorcism go here.

I give this movie 4 ½ stars.
[* * * * ½]

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 8:51 PM 0 comments    

I don't normally post stuff like this...

This was posted on my myspace.com bulletin board. I thought that I would go ahead and post it here too. I added the title about what he tries to do to you.

He really tries to fuck you over...
PAY ATTENTION TO THE P.S. at the end!!

A LETTER TO YOU FROM SATAN

I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores. You awoke without kneeling to pray. As a matter of fact, you didn't even bless your meals, or pray before going to bed last night. You are so unthankful, I like that about you. I cannot tell you how glad I am that you have not changed your way of living, Fool, you are mine. Remember,you and I have been going steady for years and I still don't love you yet. As a matter of fact, I hate you, because I hate God. I am only using you to get even with God. He kicked me out of heaven, and I'm going to use you as long as possible to pay him back.

You see, Fool, GOD LOVES YOU and HE has great plans in store for you. But you have yielded your life to me, and I'm going to make your life a living hell. That way, we'll be together twice. This will really hurt God. Thanks to you, I'm really showing Him who's boss in your life with all of the good times we've had. We have been watching dirty movies, cursing people out, stealing, lying, being hypocritical, fornicating, overeating, telling dirty jokes, gossiping, being judgmental, back stabbing people, disrespecting adults, and those in leadership positions, no respect for the Church, bad attitudes.

SURELY you don't want to give all this up.

Come on, Fool, let's burn together forever. I've got some hot plans for us. This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you.
I'd like to say "THANKS" for letting me use you for most of your
foolish life. You are so gullible, I laugh at you. When you are tempted to sin, you give in HA HA HA, you make me sick.

Sin is beginning to take it's toll on your life. You look 20 years older, and now, I need new blood. So go ahead and teach some children how to sin. All you have to do is smoke, get drunk or drink while under-aged, cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate and live being as selfish as possible. Do all of this in the presence of children and they will do it too. Kids are like that. Well, Fool, I have to let you go for now. I'll be back in a couple of
seconds to tempt you again. If you were smart, you would run
somewhere, confess you sins, and live for God with what little bit of life that you have left. It's not my nature to warn anyone, but to be your age and still sinning, it's becoming a bit ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong, I still hate you.

IT'S JUST THAT YOU'D MAKE A BETTER FOOL FOR CHRIST.

P.S. If you love me, you won't share this

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 8:48 PM 0 comments    

Funny pic from another site.
Monday, September 19, 2005

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:59 PM 0 comments    

Women love me, Flames fear me.

I finally got all of my gear for South Hays Fire Department. I can now go on all of the fire and 10-50 (car wreck) calls that we get, instead of just the medical calls. I now spend Tuesday and Thursday nights as well as at least one night of the weekend at Station 1.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:43 PM 0 comments    

Bewitched beSucked
Sunday, June 26, 2005

I urge everyone to please ignore those pangs of nostalgia and to not go see the Bewitched movie. 41 years after the original series debuted on TV, movie producers at Sony Pictures are trying to capitalize on that nostalgia by bringing you a movie that reeks from Will Ferrell's overacting. I think that the reason why he was so popular on Saturday Night Live was because you only got him in small doses. Sitting through an hour and forty minutes of Will Ferrell's immature and puerile acting is too much. This was a great opportunity for Ferrel to show that he can do comedy without resorting to loud, obnoxious physical humor, but once again we are left with the same old schtick. Sitting through this movie felt like sitting through a skit on SNL that wasn't going anywhere and wouldn't end.

On the other hand, Nicole Kidman performed wonderfully. She lent credibility to her character and was believable. I think that this shows that you just can't put a great actor with a mediocre one and expect great things. Other actors can only lift you so far.

I give this movie 2 ½ stars.
[* * ½]

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 7:23 PM 0 comments    

Government interjections into marriage.
Friday, June 24, 2005

There is a prevailing opinion among several members of our society who feel that they are being disenfranchised by our government wanting to define what constitutes a marriage. This opinion is that the government should not regulate marriage at all and that there should be no interference within marriages by the government.

I think that this is a very interesting stance to take. Especially, since that was the rationale used to justify the spousal privilege of not being compelled to testify against your wife/husband. It was believed that testifying against one's spouse undermined the integrity and value of families. A certain group of people benefited greatly from this privilege: the mafia.

One of the other consequences of having a society where the government does not interfere with marriages is that no one could be prosecuted for spousal abuse anymore. If a woman or a man reported to a peace officer that their spouse physically assaulted them, that peace officer (under the mentality that the government should not interfere) would not pursue any action against the offending spouse.

This is not a hypothetical situation that is being described here. This is not the paranoid fantasies of someone who is seeing the worst possible outcome of future decisions. This actually happened. Peace officers refused to bring action against spousal abusers because of the belief that the government should not interfere with or regulate marriages.

Unfortunately, we are often too short-sighted to see the ramifications of obtaining what we want. The best course of action is moderation and negotiation with concessions on both sides.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:20 AM 0 comments    

Rated "I" for Idiots
Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I'm not going to say that downloading movies is right or that it should be tolerated. I'm just going to say that some people do it. Others of us have moved beyond that and appreciate our DVD collections. I'm pretty sure that all of you have seen one of the many commercials that the Motion Picture Asssociation of America has put out, ranging from "look who you are hurting" to "we know where you sleep at night." I'm fine with this. That's their right to produce these things, I'll even put up with seeing them before the previews to the movie I'm about to watch at the theater. But I'll be damned if I'm going to have to put up with this crap in my own home! I recently purchased a copy of Spaceballs on DVD. Read that line again. I purchased a copy of the DVD. When I got home, I popped the DVD into the player and sat down, prepared to laugh myself silly. What I got before I could get to the menu screen, was some insipid commercial from the M.P.A.A. trying to use Fisher Price psychology to explain that "downloading movies = stealing movies." I think that this is entirely the wrong place to have these commercials. I bought the DVD. I shouldn't have to even put up with this.

I decided to do a little looking around on the MPAA website when I started writing this article. As it turns out, the MPAA is not the great guardian of cinema everywhere that they purport themselves to be. They aren't looking out for the little guy. It says right in the about section of their website that they describe themselves as:

"...leader and advocate for major producers and distributors of entertainment programming for television, cable, home video and future delivery systems not yet imagined."

Who is on their board of directors?

the Chairmen and Presidents of the seven major producers and distributors of motion picture and television programs in the United States. These members include:

Buena Vista Pictures Distribution;(The Walt Disney Company)
Sony Pictures Entertainment Inc.;
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc.;
Paramount Pictures Corporation;
Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation;
Universal City Studios LLLP; and
Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

These aren't your avaerge independent filmmakers. Even the initial goal of the organization was to "...stem the waves of criticism of American movies..." The MPA is the international arm of the MPAA. According to the same section of the website, their goal is to basically protect American movie interests abroad.

The MPA was formed in 1945 in the aftermath of World War II to reestablish Americanfilms in the world market, and to respond to the rising tide of protectionism resulting in barriers aimed at restricting the importation of American films.

This doesn't really sound like an organization that is interested helping to foster film making in general. Whatever their motivations are, I want them to stop putting the commercials in my DVD's. I bought the movie, now leave me alone!

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:51 PM 0 comments    

Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith
Tuesday, May 17, 2005

*Spoilers Warning*

Tonight I saw a sneak preview for Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. I'm going to give away the biggest spoiler right here at the beginning and get it out of the way. *Anakin Skywaler turns into Darth Vader* Now that that is out of the way, let's move on.

The movie was ok. It had everything that you could want in a Star Wars movie: lightsaber duels, space battles, love, hate, and little kids getting mowed down by a badass with a lightsaber. I guess this is nitpicking, but some of the things didn't seem as realistic as they did in the other movies, and some things seemed like they went to the Star Wars section of MovieBloopers.com and tried to fix any continuity errors that they could find. Overall, the movie felt like George Lucas was tying a big ol' bow on the entire franchise so that he could hand it over to the fans and tell them to freaking leave him alone.

There are not a few fans of the franchise who frowned upon the whole love-story angle of Episode 2. Well, guess what? It's back and bigger than ever. And you know what else? It should be there. Some people whined and complained about Padme and Anakin being in love. What other motivation would he have for hating the rest of the galaxy unless he killed the woman that he loved? Oops, there's another spoiler for you.

My best recommendation to you is to go out and read the book. Matthew Stover wrote the novelization of Episode 3 and did an excellent job of it. Plus, it gives the reader a lot more insight into the motivations of the characters and why they did particular things.

I give this movie 3 1/2 *'s out of 5.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:52 PM 0 comments    

Self Defense Class for Men
Wednesday, May 11, 2005

I decided to write up a quick little self defense guide for the guys. I hope that this helps you in future conflicts. Enjoy.

In the event that you are in a fight...
Step 1: Apply your knuckes to opponents face vigorously.
Step 2: If needed, repeat Step 1.

Congratulations, you are now ready to defend yourself.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:53 PM 0 comments    

Do you know where your towel is?
Monday, May 02, 2005

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie definitely follows the spirit of the book, even if it doesn't follow the letter of the book. The scenes depicting entries from the Guide, were particularly hilarious. They were animated and had this 50's feel to them. The only part of the movie that truly left something to be desired was the opening. There was a big musical number entitled "So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish" that, while it did reference the 4th book in the series, left something to be desired.

If you have not read the book first, then don't go see this movie. That is probably said about every book-to-movie production, but this one actually requires the viewer to have some knowledge of the subject. Otherwise, they are completely lost.

To read more of my thoughts on the subject, check out this earlier post.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:30 AM 0 comments    

More interesting internet stuff.
Sunday, April 10, 2005

I figure that sufficient time has passed that I can share this with you readers. Also, since I still haven't been zapped by a bolt of lightning from God, I think that it's a good sign. On September 14th of 2004, I became an ordained minister. Yep, weird ol' me is a minister with the Universal Life Church out of Modesto, California. I did this through their website: www.ulc.net. Why did I do it? Who knows. It's one of those intersting things that you find on the internet. I even recieved a confirmation email. I could have had them send me a certificate, but that would have actually cost money. What am I going to do with this? I don't know, but as my friend says, I can now "marry 'em and bury 'em."

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 2:33 AM 0 comments    

Red ink isn't making the grade anymore.
Friday, April 08, 2005

According to an article at CNN.com, parents at several schools are upset that teachers are grading student papers in red ink. One of these "feeling police" parents said that the red ink was "stressful." Let me advise the reader here that we aren't talking about high school or college students here. We're talking about elementary school kids. What kind of person thinks that their 7 year old kid has anything to be stressed about. Stress, I'll remind you is defined by the American Heritage Dictionary defines stress as:

A mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition occurring in response to adverse external influences and capable of affecting physical health, usually characterized by increased heart rate, a rise in blood pressure, muscular tension, irritability, and depression.

Traffic jams cause stress. Your significant other causes stress. Your job causes stress. Red marks on a paper in an elementary school do not cause stress.

I have a question for all of these "touchy-feely, crusading" parents. How do you expect for your child to learn from their mistakes if they are not pointed out to them? What is the easiest way for anyone to exchange false ideas for the truth? To have those false ideas expressed and then confronted by the truth. John Stuart Mill said this years ago in his essay "On Liberty."

But the peculiar evil of silencing the expression of an opinion is, that it is robbing the human race; posterity as well as the existing generation; those who dissent from the opinion, still more than those who hold it. If the opinion is right, they are deprived of the opportunity of exchanging error for truth: if wrong, they lose, what is almost as great a benefit, the clearer perception and livelier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error.

We are not helping these kids by sheilding them from their mistakes, we are only hurting them. The only reason that I was able to turn in any type of paper worth reading throughout my school career is because my mother would edit my papers for me. Those things came back with so much red ink on them that I thought some one had cut themselves and then used my paper for target
practice with the arterial spray. The parents of these kids should take less interest in what color is being used to edit and grade these papers and more interest in actually helping their kids to develop their writing skills. My question is what is going to happen to these kids 20 years down the line when they are expected to produce results and they have a manager who doesn't care how they feel as long as they are profitable to the company?

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:00 AM 0 comments    

Sabrage
Monday, April 04, 2005

Anyone who has read Maxim magazine is aware of the section called "How to do anything." This section of the magazine contains usually step by step advice on how to do anything from build a pole for girls to dance on in your living room to how to break up a fight. They are accompanied by either humorous photographs or drawings to help visualize what you are doing. While not exhaustive or detailed by any means, they do give the reader enough of an idea of how something is done to let them decide whether or not they would like to get more infomation to pursue such a goal.

In one of the recent issues, they had an article on a technique called "Sabrage." Apparently, this is a technique that Napoleon's soliders used to open bottles of chapagne while on horseback. It involves using a sabre to knock off the glass ring, or "annulus," at the top of the bottle where the cork is located. I was so intrigued by this, that I wanted to learn more about it. That's when I found this website. Apparently, there are entire clubs devoted to this. Luckily, they also include a tutorial on how to do this.

So, I went to the store and bought a bottle of cheap champagne to try this out. And, much to my surprise, it was successful. I'll inlcude a picture of the annulus that I knocked off of the bottle. I used a U.S. Marine Corps NCO saber when I tried it.

I highly recommend this to anyone who wants to impress people at a party.

This post was originally concieved of on Dec. 15th, 2004.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:50 AM 1 comments    

Euphemisms

At the risk of sounding like comedian George Carlin, I'm going to go off today on one particular euphemism that I think isn't really doing anybody any good.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines Euphemism as:

The act or an example of substituting a mild, indirect, or vague term for one considered harsh, blunt, or offensive: “Euphemisms such as ‘slumber room’... abound in the funeral business” (Jessica Mitford).

Harsh, blunt, or offensive. In otherwords, we have to play nicely and not tell people what they need to know, the truth. To some people, euphmisms are a way of "softening the blow" that the truth brings. To me, it's a way of hiding behing vague and distorting language.

The particular euphemism that I have a problem with is one that you see on personal ads all of the time. Full-Figured. What the hell is going on here? There used to be a time where people were "fat." Then they went to being "plus sizes." Now they are "full-figured." When did this start? Unless you are missing a part of your body that you were born with, such as an arm or leg or eye, then you are full figured. You have all of your parts. You're not missing anything. Your figure isn't half or three-quarters, it's full. However, if when you stand in the shower, your body reaches from the shower curtain to the wall, you are fat. Get over it. Go out and run. Put the twinky down. And for sake of preserving what little strength the English language has, stop weakening it with these euphemisms just to guard your ego.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:20 AM 0 comments    

Colorado professor should keep comments to himself.
Sunday, March 27, 2005

I know it's been a while, but I was reading about this and I couldn't refrain from commenting on this. As I'm sure that most of you are already aware, there is a professor from Colorado University that is in hot water right now for some comments that he made about the World Trade Center attacks. To be more specific he referred to the people inside thos ebuildings as "Little Eichmanns" and that the punishment was "befitting their participation" in "braying, incessantly and self-importantly, into their cell phones, arranging power lunches and stock transactions, each of which translated, conveniently out of sight, mind and smelling distance, into the starved and rotting flesh of infants."

I didn't make this up. If you want to read the entire text of the article it can be found at DarkNightPress.com.

The article, which first appeared in Pockets of Resistance #11, Sept. 2001, seems to focus around the WTC attacks as being the results of U.S. actions in Iraq. He says that these are all the results of various "surgical bombings" and other U.S. military actions that led to the sufferings and deaths of "500,000 kids."

What's more is that he blames the U.S. public for this saying that we did nothing to stop this because:

"There were, after all, far more pressing things than the unrelenting misery/death of a few hundred thousand Iraqi tikes to be concerned with. Getting "Jeremy" and "Ellington" to their weekly soccer game, for instance, or seeing to it that little "Tiffany" an[sic] "Ashley" had just the right roll-neck sweaters to go with their new cords. And, to be sure, there was the yuppie holy war against ashtrays – for "our kids," no less – as an all-absorbing point of political focus."

Well, sorry Mr. Churchill. In 1993, it just so happens that I wasn't old enough to vote. And you know what else? I'm sure that some of the people inside those towers also weren't old enough to vote at that time. In fact, there were day cares in the towers for the parents who were working there. If it hadn't been for the effort of several innocent and truly courageous people, then at least 28 children, probably more would have been killed in those attacks. And isn't this what your article is all about? The children?

And as to your allegations, Mr. Churchill, that the American public is too caught up in itself to worry about what happens in the rest of the world, I would like to ask youwhat you are doing to make the world a better place? You're a professor at a college in the midwest. I'd like to see how many of those ½ million children that you did anything to help. Or is the indignance that you feel, the result of your guilt over having done nothing for your life to help anyone but yourself out? I'd like to remind the reader that Mr. Churchill is a tenured professor at a major college and therefore likely has his Ph.D. Therefore, it can be inferred that while he may not be rich, he isn't living ina carboard box on the street either.

I have to apologize. This shouldn't degrade into attacks against Mr. Churchill. I just don't see the same connections that you do. Even Mr. Churchill himself said that his work that was published wasn't exactly thought out.

"The preceding was a "first take" reading, more a stream-of-consciousness interpretive reaction to the September 11 counterattack than a finished piece on the topic. Hence, I'll readily admit that I've been far less than thorough, and quite likely wrong about a number of things."

He then goes on to criticize the U.S. for almost every war that it has been in.

I know that this is heard very often in this country from polemics on either side but I think that this is a case where it truely fits. Mr. Churchill, if you don't like the United States that much, then why don't you just leave?

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:00 PM 0 comments    

Interesting Things Over at Drudge.com

I was reading an article over at Drudge.com. The article by Thom Hartmann is entitled: Young People: The Key To Republican Single-Party Rule. It was about younger people and how the Republicans are trying to get them to vote for Republican candidates. Or, at least, that's what I thought it was about. It's actually a piece of rhetoric about the Social Security issue and how "big, bad Republicans" are trying to spin things so that they benefit them and so that the younger crowd of voters will vote Republican because they are being fooled.

Wake up! Spin works both ways. I seem to remember that during the months leading up to the 2004 election, there was a lot of advertising on MTV and other youth oriented programs by Rock the Vote. An almost blatantly partisan group to urge younger people to vote. All that you had to do was look at their website to know who they were rooting for. Besides, which party do younger voters typically vote for? Democrats.

So why are people in a huff that the Republican party is trying to rally more younger voters to their cause? Your guess is as good as mine. I, for one, think that it's great that the Republican party is showing younger people that politics does affect them. We need to be more aware of what is going on around us. As for spin, that's for everyone to sift through for themselves. If you need a big, loud yelling radio host or a big, loud movie editor to give you your views, then it's your own fault.

Just remember what Aristotle said:

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 9:30 PM 0 comments    

Romeo And Juliet - with commentary
Thursday, February 24, 2005

Simply because, as my friend Kailash says, I'm "weird," have I decided to share this joke with you. I came up with this during whichever English class in high school I had to read Romeo and Juliet in. I know that this is not an exact replication of what was said in the "window" scene, but it's close enough and damnit it's funny! This is what Romeo thinks in response to Juliet's famous monologue.

[Juliet] O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?

[Romeo] Down here in the bushes.

[Juliet] Deny thy father and refuse thy name...

[Romeo] I can't. He'd cut off my allowance.

[Juliet] 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy...What's in a name?

[Romeo] Uhh... letters?

[Juliet] that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet;

[Romeo] Probably, but it wouldn't sell as well at Valentines Day.

[Juliet] Romeo would, by any other name, still not be Romeo.

[Romeo] No. He'd be Bill or Bob or Jack.

Well, that's enough silliness for now. Shakespeare is probably rolling over in his grave right now because of what I've done to his work.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 2:19 PM 0 comments    

Non-Risk Aversive Personality
Friday, February 18, 2005

The title of this post has been used to describe me more than once. I can see why. On Thursday I piloted an aircraft for the first time. It was one of these:

Cessna 152. Picture courtesy of AeroTraderOnline.Com.

This is a Cessna 152 single propeller airplane. The cockpit on it is smaller than the front seat of a Honda. I was able to taxi the airplane, take off, and do several turns, climbs, and dives. I have to say that it was ana amazing experience for me. I think that I'm hooked. If I could, I would fly every day.

That's only part of something larger. I love doing things if there is a certain amount of risk involved. And every time that I do, I am reminded, by my mother, of the time when she caught me walking out into the back yard with a sheet in my hands because I was going to parachute off of the roof. There is a saying that I try to live my life by:

"The goal of life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "...holy shit...what a ride!"

This is my motto and I try to live up to it as well as I can. Don't be afraid of what life has to offer. Take it and run. Try new things, expand your horizons, but most importantly live life. Don't just coast along, get in the driver's seat and head somewhere that you have never been.

And so, with that being said, I would like to leave you with the words of a famous poem:

High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee
No 412 squadron, RCAF
Killed 11 December 1941

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:54 AM 0 comments    

B.C. & A.D. vs. B.C.E. & C.E.
Monday, February 14, 2005

Today, I'm going to take some time to rip into the academes of the world. Specifically, the ones that thought that it was a great idea to shift from using the initials B.C. & A.D. to using the perfunctory B.C.E. & C.E. For those of you who do not know, B.C. stands for Before Christ and A.D. is Anno Domini, which means "Year of our Lord." Whoever these liberal softies are that didn't want anyone offended by that, chose to change it to Before the Common Era (B.C.E.) and subsequently Common Era (C.E.).

A little background on the whole BC/AD numbering system. According to Wikipedia.org.

"in 525, the Anno Domini system was invented, which counted the years of the Julian calendar from the year of Jesus' birth. The transition by the Western Christian church to the Gregorian calendar, which was promulgated in 1582, corrected seasonal errors due to an incorrect leap year system, though this correction left the numbering of the years intact."

So, we see that Christianity has had a major part in affecting how we keep our records. But I have a question to put to all of those academics and non-Christians who want to change how things have been done for nearly 1500 years. "What secular event happened and was so important 2,005 years ago that it should mark the beginning of the Common Era?" Jesus' birth was estimated to be between 7 and 4 years BC. IF you ask me, then I think that we should mark the beginning of the Common Era as when the Dark Ages ended sometime in the 14th century. Or we could possibly use the period of The Enlightenment in the 18th century. That would be a more common era than starting out the C.E. at year 1.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:28 AM 0 comments    

San Francisco messes up again. (Potentially)
Friday, February 11, 2005

If you haven't heard about this, then you should. Some influential political people in San Francisco want to ban the ownership of a handgun within the city limits of the city on the bay. The proposed legislation would require handgun owners to turn over their weapons within 90 days or face penalties.

Am I hearing this correctly? San Francisco, the city that illegally issued marriage licenses to gay couples last year because they tthought that their Constitutional rights were being violated, now wants to delete the second ammendment from their city? Talk about a double standard. Let's take a quick look at that hallowed document:

Article [II.]
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
Link to ammendments.

I don't know about you but I think that the ammendment clearly states that the government shall not mess with the right of the people to have guns. And since the first section of the 14th ammendment also clearly states:

Article [XIV.]
All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

That means that the city of San Francisco, in the state of California cannot take away the people's right to have guns.

Now, I know that a lot of you think that the 2nd ammendment should only apply to rifles and shotguns. Hell, even Bill Barnes of the Committee to Ban Handgun Violence has been quoted as saying "We're not saying you shouldn't have a rifle or a shotgun if you want to go hunting." However I would like to remind all of you that when the Constitution and it's ammendments were ratified, the ownership of a handgun was a very common practice. I don't see anywhere in the 2nd ammendment that says "except for handguns." What I do see is "the right to keep and bear arms." That includes sidearms as well as firearms.

Any attempt to curtail this baic freedom is an attempt to curtail all freedoms and should be met with disdain and contempt.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:59 AM 0 comments    

Death of a Playwright.

At the age of 89 years, playwright Arthur Miller died today. As you well know, Miller brought the world such works as "Death of A Salesman" and "The Crucible." Both of these works have been influential on American theatre and life. Besides the two major works mentioned before, Miller wrote many plays and even some fiction and non-fiction work.

Miller was also married to actress Norma Jean Mortensen, commonly known as Marilyn Monroe.

All of us have been touched by Mr. Miller's work. Maybe you had to read it for a high school or college class. Maybe, like me, you performed in a production of one of his plays. But all of us are familiar with this man and his work and we are all poorer for having lost him. God be with you Mr. Miller.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:20 AM 0 comments    

Kryptonians Rethought.
Friday, February 04, 2005

As many of you who know me are aware, I am a huge fan of Superman and all that makes up this legend/mythos/whatever. That's not to say that I myself am huge, but that my enthusiasm for almost all things Superman is great. But I digress. So, when I read this I was amazed:

In most of the presentations and re-imaginations of Superman's origin, it is made clear that the Kryptonians are well aware of what effects Earth's yellow sun will have on baby Kal-El. Indeed, that's usually the excuse for why he goes there. They know he'll be "safe" because nothing can hurt him there.

And that's all well and good, but there's a problem. Kryptonians are the assholes of space. Here's some proof...

A list of Kryptonians who are assholes:

Brainiacs 1 - 13, Doomsday, Cyborg, The Eradicator, General Zod, Quex-ul, Zaora, and Preus.

A list of Kryptonians who are nice:

Sometimes Jor-El, Superman.

And Superman's only a decent guy 'cause he was raised on Earth and knew nothing of Krypton or its people for almost half his life. When Jor-El's shown to be a nice guy, then he's acting as the exception that proves the rule.

Knowing, as we do, that Kryptonians are assholes, and highly advanced in the technologies of science, and capable of making FTL spacecraft, and live in a universe with varied and diverse intelligent life in the cosmos, we have to assume they ran into other space faring beings. Doomsday's origin tends to back this up.

If anyone on Krypton had the slightest idea that the electromagnetic radiation from an G-class star would react with their physiologies to make them effectively immortal and god-like, there wouldn't be a non-yellow star in the sky. They'd have obliterated all life from the cosmos and in the process of altering every star to fuel their unholy powers, they'd probably bring about the premature heat-death of the universe.

Seems awfully convienent that one of their scientists just happened to have an interstellar craft at the ready.

A prototype for intergalactic seeding, perhaps?

If Kryptonians were smart enough to figure out this yellow sun business, then it's safe to assume their neighbors were too. And I wonder what they'd have done with this information.

Seems awfully convienent that the symptoms of Krypton's destruction came about so suddenly. Almost like it'd been triggered artificially by outside agents?

Think about it. You're an advanced civilization. You meet these xenophobic guys in goofy robes who treat you like dirt because their stardrive goes 1% faster than light than your best stuff. During some research or information exchange, you come across an odd anomaly in their DNA that has the potential to turn each of them into incarnate gods under certain, fairly common, conditions. You know that yellow stars aren't that far from their world and it's only a matter of time before they figure this out assuming they haven't already.

The sabotage of one planet for the sake of the whole universe ain't a tough decision to make.

This was written by Brian Clevinger, the man who brings us the webcomic: Nuklear Power. I think that this is a very astute observation from a very original thinker. Either that or it's a guy who has too much free time on his hands. One way or another, he has touched upon something very interesting. I don't know why, but I find something intriguing about the possibility that the Kryptonians may be the biggest bunch of bastards in the universe. Then again, maybe I have too much free time on my hands.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 11:17 PM 2 comments    

Tank tops?
Friday, January 21, 2005

I've been thinking about this for a while. Why are they called "Tank Tops"? As you can see here...

a tank has one big turret coming out of it's top, while most women wearing a tank top, as modeled by Ms. Danielle Cagle have two things protruding from their top...

Therefore, I think that we should rename the tank top to the "Anti-Aircraft Top"...

Doesn't it have that ring to it?

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:48 AM 0 comments    

U.S. Generosity
Friday, December 31, 2004

As we all know, the death toll from the Tsunami is now well over 100,000 people. This event is terrible and extremely unfortunate. However, some people, (namely Jan Egeland the U.N. Under-Secretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs), have tried to paint the United States and other nations as being "stingy" in their giving for relief. Initially, the U.S. gave $35 million to help victims of the tsunami (Australia gave $27 million and Great Britain gave $62.5 million). But apparently the U.S. contribution wasn't enough for some people. *cough* *Jan Egeland* *cough* So what do we have to do now? We've pledged an additional $350 million. That brings our total up to $385 million. Great. We've pledged over 1/3rd of a billion dollars to help these people out.

However, I still have a couple of questions. Namely, how much of that "relief money" will be used to line the pockets of "officials" in the countries where aid is needed? But more importantly I ask Jan Egeland and the rest of the world where they were when Florida was hit by 3 hurricanes earlier this year? Where was the worldwide contributions to help the victims of that natural disaster? Or is there a double standard? Do American disaster victims not rank as high as other victims around the world? Where are we supposed to get this money from? Does it grow on trees?

The rest of the world expects the United States to bleed money. They expect for us to open up our national checkbook every time something shitty happens somewhere. Well guess what? Israel alone receives $662 million dollars in Economic Aid from the U.S.! That also doesn't account for all of the military supplies and other things that we send to them. In the year 2003 alone, we gave $2.7395 billion dollars in aid to the rest of the God-damned world! How can you people even begin to call us stingy? It makes me want to puke.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:37 PM 1 comments    

Random Survey
Friday, December 17, 2004

You know I'm hot, just tell me already!

I saw this on one of my friend's IM away messages. So I answered her version of the survey. now, she's apparently pissed off at me. Go figure. I mean, it's called BLUNT TRUTH. What did you expect? A spin-off of High Times?

Don't ask the questions if you don't want to know the answers.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 9:46 AM 0 comments    

Enzyte
Friday, December 10, 2004

Ever notice how some companies will take oldies songs and use portions of them to promote their products? Well, I was thinking the other day and I came up with the perfect oldies song for Enzyte. (You know, the penis pills.)

The song would be the Four Seasons' "Stay".
You could have the music play and then have the vocals come in on the line "Just a little bit longer." Then, fade out the vocals and have the announcer talk some more. Then you bring up the vocals on the lines "Now, your Daddy don't mind; and your Momma don't mind." Fade out vocals. After the announcer promotes the product and dances all around the issue of what it actually does, you could bring up vocals on the line "Won't you say you love me all of the tii-i-i-i-i-i-ime." Then just repeat "Just a little bit longer" as needed.

I have too much free time on my hands.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:17 PM 0 comments    

Parenting
Monday, December 06, 2004

I don't have kids. The problem that I find is that anyone can have a kid. There are no rules or guidelines about parenting. Oh sure, you have some laws that say that you can't abuse or neglect your kid. But it still amazes me to no end that people are required to take a competency test to operate a motor vehicle, but are allowed to raise children with no education, experience, or guidelines. And we all know that raising a child is infinitely harder than driving a car. (You can't put parenting on cruise control.)

Therefore, I would like to propose that there be either state or nationally mandated educational classes for all parents who are pregnant or have had a child within the past year. The classes would incorporate basic home economics, including but not limited to: Balancing a checkbook and the effective use of funds, basic culinary skills, basic nutrition, child psychology, basic child-rearing techniques (survey course of different methods), and effective communication techniques (both with your child and with other family members).

Balancing a Checkbook/Effective use of Funds
This course would guide parents and parents-to-be in basic economics. This is not talking about the Gross Domestic Product. This is guiding people in how to effectively manage their paycheck so that they do not accumulate more debt than they can handle. It would advise people of the pitfalls of credit cards and how easy it is to get in debt with them.

Basic Culinary Skills
This course would teach people how to cook basic meals for a family. It would include all the necessary skills to be able to cook simple, low cost food for your family. Some of the parts of the course would include portion management (how to cook just the right amount), stove-top skills, using a microwave for more than just T.V. dinners, etc.

Basic Nutrition
This course would go hand in hand with the cooking course. It would be a guide for choosing foods that meet your families nutritional requirements.

Child Psychology
This would be a very basic course in how children think and act. The goal would be to give parents and potential parents an idea of why their child acts they way that they do.

Basic Child-Rearing Techniques (Survey Course)
This would range from changing diapers to helping with homework. This course would give people practice in the necessary skills required for raising a child. Also covered in this course would be different methods of raising a child. (Spanking vs. Timeout, etc.)

Effective Communication Techniques
This course outlines how to be able to better communicate with your child and family without resorting to yelling and screaming. Also included would be effective tips for disarming hostile situations that could lead to yelling. This course would probably be helpful in reducing the number of divorces every year.

One problem that I can foresee is scheduling. How do you fit all of these classes in with a job? That will be a difficulty in the early years of the licensing process. The solution is to incorporate the classes into the required courses for high school students. Once the student has completed the courses, then he or she will be given their license and allowed to have children.

Now I know that this will not cure all of the problems that our society has, but it will enable our parents to be more prepared for the arduous task of bringing up a well-rounded, polite child in today's world.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:42 PM 1 comments    

I give up.
Friday, December 03, 2004

I give up on women. I'm tired of constantly having my heart stomped on. Hey, I've been living a celibate life (not by choice) for some time now, why not make it my decision? I'm thoroughly burned out on the whole process. I'm not just going to stop looking for a relationship, I'm going to start actively avoiding any type of relationship. Maybe I'll go back to being the "Mr. Stoic" that I was in high school. We'll see.

I've been told that it's when you stop looking that you find someone. Yeah, you find them, become smitten, then they go off with someone else. No thank you. I can do without that.

I'm not bitter because I'm single, quite the opposite.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:11 AM 0 comments    

I think that I'm going to get a Vasectomy.
Thursday, December 02, 2004

Last night I saw something so horrible that it made me want to never procreate. If you have never seen Fox's show Nanny 911, then count yourself lucky. This is a show where Nannys are called into homes where the parents have no control over their children. Then, within a week, the Nanny turns the entire family around and they are one big happy entity.

The only problem? I wanted to give those brats an ass-whooping of Biblical proportions only 5 minutes into the program. For Christ's sake, how can you let your kids get this bad? This program is the most effective form of birth control that I have ever come across. watching this show for the limited amount of time that I did only made me want to go get a vasectomy. That way, I won't have to ever deal with that particular form of hell.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 2:04 PM 0 comments    

Recommended Reading:
Friday, November 26, 2004

Ender's Game Series


This is a book about a child genius who is sent to Battle School when he is 6 years old. He is sent because it is believed that he may be humanity's hope for survival against the buggers, an alien race that has tried to wipe out the human race twice. The book chronicles Ender's life as he is rapidly promoted through Battle School and the on to command School. Card does a great job of describing the battles that these armies of children go through. This series is truly one of the staples of any sci-fi reading experience. Although unconfirmed, I have heard that this is now required reading for some high school students.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 8:45 PM 0 comments    

Happy National Civilization Steamroller Day!!
Thursday, November 25, 2004

Just think, if the Native Americans (or at least more native than we are) had realized how much they were gonna get screwed by us being here, things might be very different. I'm thankful that the Natives didn't look at the beads in their hands as they were paddling away from Manhattan Island and decide to scalp everyone that didn't have a tan. Oh well, progress is progress.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 9:00 AM 0 comments    

Advice needed.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision. Thanks in advance guys.

I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my girlfriend. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

Should I take it into a garage or should I buy some stuff from the local AutoZone and try to repair it myself?

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 4:15 PM 0 comments    

New Pilgrims?

As we all know, the first settlers of America were rejects from England. To paraphrase Robin Williams: The puritans were too uptight, even for the British. So what did the Brits do? They kicked 'em out.

Flash forward to the present day. We have a bunch of people, mostly über-Christians, who are trying to censor everything. The whole Janet-Jackson boob incident? Need I say more? Now, I'm not trying to bash on all Christians, just the ones who can't live without inflicting themselves and their way of life on other people.

I guess the question that I'm getting at here is: Do you think that we will have another puritanical-type deportation? Will enough people get fed-up with having to deal with this stuff that we round them all up and send them packing? Maybe.

P.S. - The best way to evangelize? Just be as good a Christian as you can be. Don't go shoving it in other people's faces. Trust me, they'll see what you are doing.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 4:00 PM 0 comments    

Machinima
Tuesday, November 23, 2004

I recently came across something called "Machinima." Apparently, this is the using of video game engines to create short movies. The word Machinima is a combination of the word "Machine" and either "cinema" or "animation." According to the entry on Wikipedia.org, Machinima may have gotten started in the "late 1970s and early 1980s."

I encourage everyone to go to Rooster Teeth Productions and check out Red vs. Blue and The Strangerhood. Red Vs. Blue is made using the Microsoft videogame Halo and now also Halo 2. It's a very funny series that is well done. (Actually something more along the lines of medium rare.) The only problem is that the series is on a rolling archive. This means that not all of the videos are available at the same time. However, there are several sites, such as RedVsBlue.net that host all of the episodes at once. Incidentally, RedVsBlue.net also is the home of a homage to the Red Vs. Blue series called: Sponsors Vs. Freeloaders. The Strangerhood is a machinima made using the Sims 2 videogame.

Go check out the great work that these people are doing.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 5:00 PM 0 comments    

I saw this and thought that it looked amazing.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 4:53 PM 0 comments    

Santa Clause and Buddha

This is an idea that came from my friend Daisy. Yes, the same guy who came up with the Personal Reality Deceleration Device. We were sitting around the other day talking about the holidays and he told me his thoughts on Santa Clause. I have basically gotten the gist of them here:

Santa Clause is Buddha for Christians. He's a big, fat guy who we welcome into our houses and present with food. Also, Santa Clause, like Buddha, tells us to just be good to one another. We're rewarded when we're good and punished when we are bad.

Yes, I know that this is not an exhaustive proof. Yes, I know that there are several "holes" in this theory. Guess what? It's a joke. Take it as such.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:03 PM 0 comments    

Funny stuff that you can find on the Internet
Tuesday, November 16, 2004

This was originally posted on The Chaser News. The emphasis on the title and the last line are mine. Enjoy:

Teen's dying wish for Cameron Diaz blow job not granted
PHILADELPHIA, Monday: The parents of 15-year-old leukaemia patient Josh Morten, who last night passed away after a four year battle with the illness, said they were sorry not to have fulfilled his dying wish to get a blow job from Cameron Diaz.

The courageous teenager told his family two months ago that the one thing he'd really like before he died was to be sucked off by the successful Hollywood actress and former model.

"Josh never asked for much," his father confided. "He never complained about his illness, or made unrealistic demands. So when he requested fellatio from the star of Charlie's Angels and There’s Something About Mary we thought, sure, that’s the least we can do for him."

But attempts to grant Josh his dying wish proved much more difficult than the family had initially thought. Formal requests inviting the star to perform oral sex on their dying son were repeatedly declined.
"We wrote, we rang, we faxed," Mr Morten explained. "And every time it was the same answer: 'Sorry, Ms Diaz is currently unable to comply with your request.' I mean, how unsympathetic can you get? We're talking about a dying kid here! Would it kill her?"

Mr Morten even made a special trip to Los Angeles, to try to talk to the movie star personally outside the premiere of Gangs of New York. "The crowds were ten deep," he said, "and I'm there yelling out to her from the back: 'Will you go down on my son please!', but she didn’t want to know."

With hopes diminishing by the day, Mr Morten placed similar standby requests with the agents representing Catherine Zeta Jones, Jennifer Lopez and Salma Hayek, but in each case the stars refused to co-operate.

"Who do they think they are, these women!" railed Mr Morten. "They earn millions of dollars and swan about at fancy parties, but when they get a simple request to bring a smile to a young boy far less fortunate than them, they turn their back on you. What kind of world do we live in when a dying teenager can no longer get his cock sucked by a celebrity?"

Indeed, what kind of world do we live in?

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:20 PM 0 comments    

Going to Australia

I think that if I had the money I would buy myself a 20ft. schooner and sail to Australia. Perhaps this is all because I've been listening to the song Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young. I've even thought of getting a job on a boat to Australia after I graduate. Work on the boat for passage. I think that would be great. ROugh winds, storms, blistered hands, and all of the other things. I think that is one of the experiences that can really turn a guy into a man. Well, We'll see what happens.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:45 PM 0 comments    

How to be a Bastard

I've decided to start a new feature entitled How To Be A Bastard. These are just things that I've thought of. I don't recommend that you do any of them and I don't take any responsibility for any repercussions of your actions.

The Great American Smokeout
This Thursday, Nov. 18th, is the 28th annual Smokeout. You can check out the website here. This is when the American Cancer Society encourages people to quit smoking for one day.

On Thursday, I'm going to smoke a cigar in celebration of the Great American Smokeout. Just to be a bastard. I even made a sign for you to use:


Inspired by a sign at my local cigar shop.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 12:30 PM 4 comments    

Why the rest of the world hates the U.S.

Goldschläger



Goldschläger is defined by DrinksMixer.com as "A clear swiss cinnamon schnapps, containing 24 carrot gold leaf flakes." This is why the rest of the world hates the united states. We are so filthy rich that we have drinks with gold in them. People starve in other countries and we find new ways to consume more. Yes, I know that Goldschläger is a swiss made drink, but I'm pretty sure that a lot of it is consumed here in the U.S.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 12:30 AM 1 comments    

Police and the Use of Deadly Force
Monday, November 15, 2004

We have been discussing the use of force by police officers, deadly and non-deadly, in several of my classes. Then this morning I heard Mike Gallagher talking about a 6 year old boy in Florida who had been tasered. Here is an exceprt of the article from the Miami Herald:

Posted on Thu, Nov. 11, 2004
Police used Taser gun to subdue 6-year-old student wielding piece of glass

BY SUSANNAH A. NESMITH

snesmith@herald.com

Miami-Dade police tasered a 6-year-old boy who was wielding a piece of glass in a school office and threatening to hurt himself, officials confirmed Thursday.

Police say they followed their own guidelines and only tasered the child because they were afraid he would hurt himself. But the incident has raised calls for the department tighten its policies regarding the use of the stun guns, which shoot 50,000 volts of electric current through a subject.

The incident happened on Oct. 20 at Kelsey Pharr Elementary School. The principal, Maria Mason, called 911 after the child, who has not been identified, broke a picture frame in the assistant principal's office. Then the boy began waving the piece of glass around, holding a security guard at bay.

Two Miami-Dade police officers responded, followed by a school police officer. When they got there, the boy already had a cut under his right eye and another on his hand from the glass. The three officers talked to the boy, trying to get him to put down the glass, according to a police report.

One of the officers slid a trash can to him, hoping he would throw the glass away if he didn't want to give it to any of the five adults there.

Then the officer contacted a supervisor to see if there was a policy specifically prohibiting the use of a stun gun on a child. There isn't, and the officer was told to do what she felt was necessary.

The two officers continued to try to talk to the child, who didn't respond.

Then he cut his own leg and the officers acted. One officer shocked him with the Taser while the other grabbed him, preventing him from falling on the ground.

It's stuff like this that makes me want to make changes to the way that policing is handled here in the U.S. I know that right now some of you are saying "Yeah, our officers shouldn't do stiff like that!"

There used to be what was called the "Fleeing Felon Rule." Basically, under this doctrine, a police officer could shoot a felon who was running away in order to stop them. As you can imagine this angered some people. Namely the people who were getting shot and their families. In the case of Tennessee vs Garner, that rule was changed. Now, the police officer has to have a reasonable belief that the felon will harm either themselves of someone else before the police officer can shoot at them. Yeah, I see the irony in hurting someone to stop them from hurting themselves.

You may be wondering how these two cases are related. Well, in my opinion, we should repeal the Tennessee vs Garner requirements, but we should give police rubber bullets instead of real ones. We should also expand the circumstances when police can fire their weapons. This way the police officers can just shoot someone in the ass with a rubber bullet. It would be cathartic to the officer. It would also reduce caseloads. More than likely after popping someone in the ass with a rubber bullet, the officer(s) would more than likely be lenient.

We could also have similar things for traffic violations. Say that you get pulled over for speeding. The officer gives you the option of taking the ticket or getting shot in the ass with a paintball gun from 15 feet away. I don't know about you, but I would take the paintball gun. We could even have the officers give you a towel to clean off with. Also, if the officer misses, then you get off without any warnings or anything. I think that it's a great plan.

If we had the "Shoot 'em in the Ass" plan that I just described, then the police could have just shot that uppity little 6 year old with a rubber bullet and it would have been over with. Teach that little punk about screwing with the police.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:23 PM 0 comments    

Changes to the site

As you may have noticed, the GeorgeWBush.com news feed is no longer up. This is because it was no longer being updated. It's kind of pointless to try to bring you news from a source that doesn't update. But now we have something better. The News4sites.com people have come to my rescue. We now have a new section on the sidebar entitled "World at a Glance." This news feed brings up info from around the world. There are many options for what types of news feeds that I can put up. Let me know if you want me to change what type of news you get here.

Update: I forgot that I had requested another news feed. This one is at the top of the page, just underneath the title box. Enjoy.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:30 AM 0 comments    

Random Thought

I'm not bitter because I'm single, quite the opposite.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:15 AM 0 comments    

I still don't like Freud.
Sunday, November 14, 2004

I went to SimilarMinds.com and took this Freudian Inventory Test. I found out about it from this blog and decided to take it myself. Here are the results:

You make what you want out of this.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:57 AM 0 comments    

New Site Feature
Thursday, November 11, 2004

As you can see I have now decided to add a links section to the sidebar. This is so that you can see all of the people that I have met through Blogshares.com. If you want to be linked on my site, then let me know by emailing me or by messaging me at Blogshares.com.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 9:31 PM 0 comments    

Random Thought

Nostalgia is a thing of the past.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 4:20 PM 0 comments    

Warning: Adult Situations!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004

The other night I was watching T.V. and I saw a warning come up on the screen for a movie. It was rated "R" and one of the reasons was that it included "Adult Situations." And I sat there and thought "Adult Situations? What's that, paying the bills? Going to work?" Those are the kinds of things that I think of when I see "Adult Situations." Especially because people in almost every age group have sex. These kinds of thoughts force me to keep only a select group of a few friends.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:30 PM 0 comments    

Thoughts on Suicide.

Let me preface this post by saying that I feel sorry for the suffering that anyone feels when they lose someone close to them. I am not a heartless bastard, just a bastard. With that being said, I have some comments on suicide.

To let you know what the impetus for this post was, you can see the articles here and here. Basically what happened is that a kid on the Texas State University campus committed suicide by shooting himself in the head with a pistol. The campus "newspaper" (and I use that term loosely), published an article in the following edition that included stuff that his friends said about him.

First of all, the guy threw away his life. He decided that his life was no longer worth living and so he voluntarily ended his life. Now, if he had been killed by a drunk driver, a serial killer, or even possibly by a natural disaster then I would be supporting the vigil that these people held for this guy. Hell, I would even support a scholarship in his name. But not because he decided to wuss-out on life.

The second point that I have is about all the things that the campus "newspaper" wrote that his "friends" said about him. You may have noticed the quotes that I used around the word friends. This is because if all of the things that these people said about him were true, then you would think that one of them might have noticed that he was feeling suicidal.

When I die, I don't want people to say nice things about me. I want them to say truthful(mostly) things like "He was an incorrigible bastard who only did anything nice if it would get him laid." Let's be honest people.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 2:45 PM 1 comments    

Random Thought

PETA hates Schrödinger.™

My stats/research professor brought up the thought experiment designed by Schrödinger that is commonly called Schrödinger's Cat. The basics of the experiment are that a cat is placed in a box with a 50/50 chance of a poison gas being released into the box. The problem is that we won't know whether or not the cat is dead or alive until we open the box and observe the cat. Now, apparenty, this has somethign to do with Quantum Mechanics but I think that the Wikipedia people do a better job of explaining it than I could.

Anyways, I was thinking about the experiment and then I thought "That would really piss off the people at PETA." Thus is the tale of the birth of my new slogan.
Also, my friend Aubrey had a great away message up the other day. It said: "Support the Search & Rescue Team: GET LOST!"

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 2:30 PM 0 comments    

Self-Serving Tripe

As you may have noticed, my sidebar is growing. I have now added a link that looks like this: . This is because I recently Googled my website's name and found it listed on the BlogShares.com website. So, being the rampant competitor that I am, I have decided to try and increase the value of my little blog on their site. Should you have a desire to help me in this endeavour, then please include the following HTML code at the bottom of all of your webpages:

<a href="http://bastardisms.blogspot.com" target="_blank">Bastardisms."></a>

Also, if you would like to help out, you can click on the link on the sidebar, which will say that I refered you to their website. Thanks for putting up with this tripe.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 2:00 PM 0 comments    

Recommended Reading:
Monday, November 08, 2004

George Carlin's "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops".

George Carlin brings us his unique brand of witicisms and sharp observations on our society. Carlin is extremely critical of the usage of the English language as practiced by most of us. He spends a significant part of the book solely on euphemisms or "soft language" as he calls it.

As you read the book, you can almost imagine George standing there next to you saying all of the words on the page. Although, for me personally, the book takes a while to get up to speed, by the end of it George is in full swing.

This book has only been out since October 12th, but it is already controversial. The funny part is that the controversy isn't from anything inside the book, but what is on the dust cover.

From George Carlin's website: www.GeorgeCarlin.com.

As you can see, the dust cover depicts Leonardo DaVinci's "Last Supper" with George right next to where Jesus should be. Mega-retailer Wal-Mart has refused to carry the book. You can read more about it here.

I whole heartedly recommend this book to everyone. Just remember that you need to take it with a grain or two of salt. And, preferably, a shot of tequila and some lime.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 11:00 AM 0 comments    

New feature for the site.

As you can see, on the right hand side of the site, just under the link to Help me buy an island is a news bar with updates from the www.GeorgeWBush.com website. I know that the news is only from Nov. 3rd. I don't update the script, their website does. However, if the news script is not updated by the end of the week, then I will try to find a new news script to place there. I hope that you enjoy the little news blurbs that you see, or at least enjoy the effort that I went through to cut and paste someone else's code to keep you up-to-date.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:30 AM 0 comments    

Hail to the Chief!
Thursday, November 04, 2004

_____________

Well, the elections results are in. President Bush has been reelected. That means that once again he will have to preside over a country that is deeply divided. I hope that everyone will try to work together for the next 4 years so that we can accomplish the things that we need to. That being said, I have one thing to say to all of those people who voted for Gore in 2000: This time he IS your President.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 2:54 PM 0 comments    

This is my kind of game!

Occasionally I get stuff in my email that makes me laugh out loud and then go "That's a good idea." This happens to be one of those things. I got this picture as part of an email from the www.joke-of-the-day.com people. I'm thinking about gathering together all the required pieces to play this and then trying to get a game going with some of my friends.

I've noticed that there seems to be the inkling of a beginning of a theme going on here. Please note that I encourage only people who are of legal age in the place where they reside to drink and when they do so, to drink responsibly. And under no circumstances should they risk their or anyone else's life by drinking and driving. That being said, have fun.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 2:02 PM 0 comments    

Arbitrary Requirements.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004

The day after my birthday, my mom took me to go see the musical "Jesus Christ Superstar". It was my first time seeing the musical. We lucked out because it was a Broadway cast. It was a really great experience. During the show I absolutely loved the song "Everything's Alright". It was Natalie Toro who sung as Mary Magdalene in the performance that I saw.

Now I bet you are wondering what does this have to do with arbitrary requirements. During that show I decided that I would have an arbitrary requirement in the selection of my next girlfriend. She would have to be able to sing "Everything's Alright." But then I reflected that all our requirements for who we date are arbitrary. If you say to yourself: "I'm only going to date a 6' tall man who can sing bass lines and is 90 lbs.", then you'll end up liking someone who is 4'7" tall, sing alto, and weighs 300 lbs. It just works out that way. And even if you did find your dream person, you probably would find out that you didn't really want what you thought that you wanted. All of these artificial requirements go right out the window when life plops somebody in front of you.

So, keeping all of that in mind, I have now decided that the ability to sing "Everything's Alright" is no longer a requirement, it's just a really good bonus!

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 5:00 PM 0 comments    

Election Night Drinking Game

Hello everyone. Today we drag our tired asses off of our couches and participate in the democratic process. We get to choose who it is that represents us for the next 4 years. And you know what? Whoever wins this year is going to have the same problems that they had in 2000. They are going to have to try to unite, or at least work with a country that will still be sharply divided on Wednesday. So, to have a little fun with the election night, I came up with this drinking game. The rules are as follows:

Take 1 drink when:

-A talking head or some other news reporting agency mentions that this will be a close race.

-Someone on TV mentions the 2000 election.

-Anyone mentions Terrorism, Osama bin Laden, Iraq, or Saddam Hussein

Give 2 Drinks when:

-The candidate of your choice wins a state.

Chug a beer(or other drink) if:

-Your candidate loses the election overall (you may have to wait a month or so to do this one)

Special Category:

-Every time Michael Moore is on screen, everyone must drink until he is no longer on screen

-Also, everyone must take a drink if someone mentions Michael Moore or Farenheit 9/11

Well, I think that these rules will suffice for now. If you have any suggestions, please email them to me or post your comments here. Enjoy and remember my motto: "Four more beers, Four more beers!!"

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 1:40 PM 0 comments