Bastardisms

Statistically Speaking...
Thursday, September 30, 2004

I was thinking about statistics that we come across everyday in our lives and this came to mind. Do you ever stop and think about when an advertisement says 9 out of 10 doctors/dentists approves brand X? What about that 10th doctor/dentists? What's up with them?

Jay Leno recently said in his monologue that

"According to the New England Journal of Medicine, 9 out of 10 doctors think that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."

This made me stop and think. Do 90% of doctors really like brand X? Or is it just 10 doctors sitting around reviewing products. And why does that 10th doctor not approve of brand X? Is he just being contrary? Is it the same person everytime? Why doesn't doctor number 10 approve of this product? Does he have some sort of hidden agenda against the makers of brand X? Maybe he knows something that the other 9 doctors don't know about brand X.

These are the kinds of questions that kept me out of the really good schools.

By the way, there is a great comic over at JoeCartoon.com that makes fun of the very theme of this post. Enjoy.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 9:33 AM 0 comments    

Goals and Aspirations.
Thursday, September 23, 2004

I was thinking about what I would like to write about today. Several ideas came to mind. There are a couple of books that I am reading that I could talk about and probably will. I could talk about my classes and what they entail. I'm even thinking about starting up a new blog about my experiences as a pledge in the Alpha Epsilon Phi chapter of Lambda Alpha Epsilon. But I decided to tell you why I started this site.

It started with watching my friend and co-worker Jarrat update his blogs, Blinded by Intoxicants and Due Requiem. I read through his posts, laughed my ass off, and realized that you don't actually have to have deep philosophic thoughts to have a website. This last point was driven home when I started randomly reading other people's blogs. I read things that ranged from an online diary to cooking tips. So, I decided that I would pollute the internet with my thoughts. And that was the birth of Bastardisms. I think that my first post showed my nervousness at undertaking this auspicious (or is that audacious) task. Upon re-reading that first post, I realized that I have branched out further than my original plans. This is no longer a strictly political site; this is a melting pot of all the things that I find funny, amusing, irritating, or irksome. I want to show you the world as I see it.

And so I have. I have shown you the webcomics that I read. I have shared with you my favorite poems and even some of my own. I have talked about politics, books, movies, and linked to just about everything that I can think of. I have crackpot schemes here as well as witty (or half-wit, depending on how you look at it) ideas. And all of this has been with a goal in mind.

That goal is to write over 100,000 words. At the time of this posting, I'm about 13% of the way there. Yes, this is prideful and it reeks of hubris, but it is a goal nonetheless. I would ideally hope that they would be words that shaped the world, but alas we all fall short of our dreams. But let us not allow that to deter us from those dreams. There I go, waxing poetic again. Anyways, I am rededicating this site to those of you who read it regularly and even those of you who accidentally stumbled here.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 9:50 AM 0 comments    

Jesus, Christianity, and Religion in general.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004

I usually try to leave religion out of this site, but today I thought I would write some of my feelings on the subject. Please remember that these are merely my opinions and if you don't like them, then that is ok.

Jesus
I like Jesus. Jesus is cool. Jesus liked everybody, no matter who they were. Some of the people around Jesus [Pharisees] didn't like the stuff that he did [eating with sinners, healing on the Sabbath, etc.], but Jesus didn't care. Just about everybody thinks of Jesus in terms of his divinity. Yes, the big J.C. was the son of God, but he was also the Son of Man. He was divine and human at the same time. I like the moments that slip out and show Jesus's human side. It reminds me of the imperfection inherent in all of us. For instance, my favorite passage in the Bible is:

Mark 11:12-14

¹²The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. ¹³Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. ¹⁴Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it.

I love this passage because Jesus gets pissed off at a tree. A tree. And He gets pissed off because He is hungry and the tree, which is out of season, has no fruit on it. That's like me getting pissed off at my bank for my not having any money in my bank account. This is one of those passages that shows Jesus's human side. Another passage that I like and that shows Jesus's human side comes right after the fig tree fiasco:

Mark 11:15-19

¹⁵On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, ¹⁶and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. ¹⁷And as he taught them, he said, "Is it not written: "'My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations?' But you have made it 'a den of robbers.' " " ¹⁸The chief priests and the teachers of the law heard this and began looking for a way to kill him, for they feared him, because the whole crowd was amazed at his teaching. ¹⁹When evening came, they went out of the city.

This is another passage that really shows Jesus's rough edges. One of the best versions of this scene is in Martin Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ. In this movie, Willem Dafoe plays Jesus Christ. In the scene that is mentioned in the passage, Willem shows us the anger that Jesus had at the moneychangers had. The best description that I have heard is from my friend Daisy, who said "Jesus is having a shit-fit!" The other thing that I like is that right after Jesus throws tables and tells everyone how they're screwing up, he and the disciples high-tail it out of town.

Christianity
There is a book that I just finished reading, called "The Prostitute in the Family Tree" Discovering Humor and Irony in the Bible". The book is written by Douglas Adams. No, not the Douglas Adams of Hitchhiker's Guide fame. This Douglas Adams is the Professor of Christianity and the Arts at the Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, California. Adams is a great comedian and wonderful theologian. His book is full of sharp observations and quick wit. One of the basic themes of his book is that it when read in their entirety, many of the passages in the Bible are quite humorous. Also, Adams makes a distinction between what he calls "parent stories" and "grandparent stories." "Parent stories" are the kinds of stories that parents tell their children so that they will behave. "Grandparent stories" are the kinds of stories that grandparents tell their grandchildren about what their parents did when they were the same age as the grandchildren are. The Bible is full of these types of grandparent stories that show us that even the people in the Bible were human and had their failings. However, most people will only take a small portion of the stories and make them "parent stories." I highly encourage everyone, Christian or not, to read this book. Trust me, you'll get a good laugh out of it.

Another good book to read for both men and women is John Eldrege's Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul. This book is about rediscovering your masculinity (and understanding what is happening to your man). This book is really hard to describe, but it has helped me tremendously. I feel like a new man even though I am only halfway through the book. Trust me, read this book.

Unfortunately for a lot of people, Christianity has screwed them over. Too many people in the Church and especially in groups like The Texas Wesley Foundation have too many members who are ultra-conservative in their views. These people are the "uptight" people that you hear so many people referring to when they talk about Christians. These are the people that frown upon swearing, drinking, smoking, sex, and the open discussion of any of the topics that I just mentioned as well as a host of others. Please do not misunderstand me, there are a lot of really good people associated with this organization. I won't name any of them here because I don't want to leave anyone out. But, most of the participants in this group and others like it simply cannot take a joke, they can't make light of themselves, and what's more is that they are very cliquish. Somehow, I don't think that Jesus was very fond of cliques. From my experiences with some of the members I would highly doubt that they have the capacity to forgive someone in their heart.

Speaking of what's in a person's heart...

Religion
Religion has been called "the opiate of the masses." It has also been used to do some pretty shitty things. (Crusades anyone? Indulgences?) One of the things that bothers me the most about modern religion is marriage. I have gone round and around with my pastor on this one and unfortunately, never the twain will meet on this issue. Marriage has been around for a lot longer than Christianity. If you take the evolutionary view point, then the first cave man who went up and smacked a cave woman and dragged her to his cave was the first marriage ceremony. If you take the creationist viewpoint, then Adam and Eve were the first married couple. Either way, Christianity has only been around for a little over 2,000 years. The argument that my pastor makes is that marriage is a lifelong commitment that has to be public before god and the community. I say that marriage is a commitment in your heart to love someone and not to screw around on them. If marriage was only about being a public commitment, then it would be a lot easier wouldn't it? But it has to be about what is in a person's heart. How do we explain the high number of divorces, even within the Church? These people made public, lifelong commitments to each other before the community and before God. Where is that commitment now? It's been flushed down the toilet because the commitment was not in their hearts. I know more people who are not married who are more committed to each other than most couples who have been married for a long time. Also, if marriage is about a lifelong commitment between you and your loved one before God and the community, then what about the people who go to the Justice of the Peace to get married? According to our society's laws, they are married. But did they make that commitment before God? Before the community? According to the Church, are they married? These questions are all related to one big question that a lot of people have and that they have to answer for themselves. Is sex before marriage wrong? I used to think that it was. Then, I redefined my views on marriage. I'm not to keen on having sex with someone that you have no commitment to, but I can't tell you how to live your life. I can only offer suggestions. It was because of the views on sex before marriage, that caused me to deeply hurt the only woman that I have ever loved. I can never take away that pain that I caused her by not being able to express my love for her physically. And to you, A., I am very sorry.

Another thing religion that bothers me is the tactics that some people use to get others to join. I'm talking about the churches that use Scare-Tactics to frighten people into believing. I'm going to just come out and say it. THIS IS WRONG! YOU NEED TO STOP IT! Even Niccolo Machiavelli said that it is better to be loved than feared. If people love you then they will be more apt to see things your way because they want to, not because you want them to. Scare-tactics are the bullies way of keeping people in line. Jesus didn't preach a message of damnation and suffering, he preached a ministry of loving and caring. Take a page from his book.

Evangelism and Praying
I severely dislike evangelists with a passion. Not just the televangelists. All of them. I dislike them, not because of who they are, but what they do. Here is a quote from the Bible that I like:

Matthew 6:5-8

⁵"When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. ⁶ "But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. ⁷ "And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. ⁸ "So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."

Basically this passage says two things: One, you shouldn't be advertising everywhere that you are Super-Christian, because you're not. Two, that you should keep your prayer short and simple. I have listened to so many Christians drone on and on for five and even ten full minutes about every little thing. Like it says, God knows what you need before you pray for it, so keep it short. There is no need to thank God for every single blade of grass. Thank Him for His creation and move on. Don't "heap up words." I have a simple blessing that I use for meals. I will share it with you here so that you may use it too.

"Dear Lord, thank you for this food. Please use it to nourish my mind, my body, and my spirit so that I may do your will. In your son's precious and holy name. Amen."

Simple, yet effective.

While I know that this passage is not exactly an indictment against evangelists, I think that it comes close. Jesus tells us to go to a private place to pray to God. I think that we should be examples to others by how we live our lives, but I don't think that we should be passing out pamphlets on the street corner.

In the end, only you can decide what you believe and what you think is right. I hope that you will see things the way that I do, but if not, then that is ok. Remember there are many paths to Jesus Christ, but only one path to God, and that is through Jesus.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:22 PM 0 comments    

New and improved HTML.
Thursday, September 09, 2004

In my effort to keep this site as reader friendly as I can for you, my loyal readers, I have now switched to using a newer, better, more friendly HTML link for all of my external links.

Previously I was using the HTML code:

<a href="URL">Text to be displayed</a>

This is your basic HTML code that changes the entire page to the url that is being linked to. Simple, great, but I want to keep you on my site for as long as possible. So it's not practical.

Then I was lead to use the HTML popup code:

<a href="URL" onclick="window.open(this.href, 'newWin', 'width=300, height=450'); return false;">Your text goes here</a>

This is a little more advanced HTML code that creates a "pop-up window" that is defined by the parameters 'height' and 'width.' This is also a highly effective HTML tool that, when used appropriately, can be a great resouce. However, the window that this opens up is limited to the size that I set and cannot be changed by you the reader. So, again, this is not practical for my site.

The new and improved code that I am using is:

<a href="URL" target="_blank">Your text here.</a>

Now, this will enable you, the reader, to click on a link on my site and have a new window open. A window that you can resize. A window that will display everything. Huzzah!!

I will try to go back through my posts and change the link codes to fit with whichever code is appropriate for each link. However, I cannot guarantee that this will be done in a timely manner, because I have other stuff to do. I do wish to thank you for sticking with me through this change.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 8:41 AM 0 comments    

Thoughts on life.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Life is a wonderful thing. It must be because right now there are 6,391,301,056 people on the planet. So, since so many of us are doing this thing called like, I thought that I would share my thoughts on it.

Yourself.

I recently came across this in my friend Aubrey Sutton's
profile on AOL Instant Messenger. * I am working on getting a picture of only her up, so be patient.

The goal in Life's Journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "holy shit...what a ride!"

While some people may have bodies that are more well preserved than others, I think that the meaning behind this passage is to enjoy life to the fullest of your capabilities. Get out there and take a chance. It's the only way you will know what you can do.

Other people.

In this life, it is not the journey from birth to death that is important. What is important is who you share your time with. It is how you affect them and how they affect you and how you reconcile that. Don't ever live life with regrets. Rather, treat everything as something that you can learn from and hope that you do better the next time. Always try to learn something from every experience you have, that way you are better able to adapt to similar situations. LIfe will throw curves at you from every direction. Things that you thought were stable will become shaky, people that you thought were your rock will surprise you when they are not as solid as you had thought that they were. Now, this is not saying anything bad about that person, but they, as well as you, will change as you go through life. You just have to be aware of that.

Marriage/Relationships.

I remember something that my pastor said about marriage, but it also applies to relationships. He tells young couples before they get married that they are like branches on a tree. Unless you spend time together, then eventually you will grow apart. Take time out of your day just to spend talking with the one that you love. It will do wonders for your relationship. Talking enables you to rediscover things about each other that you never knew. Just because you talked a lot at the beginning of the relationship, doesn't mean that you know that person completely. It also doesn't mean that you know who that person is now. They may have changed their mind about something that you took for granted (like whether or not they stiil think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread). The only way that you can know that is to talk with that person regularly.

Please note that this is not a comprehensive analysis of this mixed up, wild ride that we call life. It is just general thoughts about it. I will update this as I go along.

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:01 PM 0 comments    

Someone special.

How many times have you been looking at a woman and said to yourself "Wow, she looks easy?" I bet that I could score with her. Unfortunately, this is all too common. Yes, it reveals a certain characteristic of the male mindset, but it is not entirely the guy's fault. Today we are bombarded by millions of signals that say "Sex, Sex, Sex." From shampoo commercials to soft drink ads, sex is everywhere. The rallying cry of advertisers is "Sex sells!" And this is absorbed by all of us.

I said earlier that it is not entirely the guys fault. People portray a certain image to those around us. Often times, it is because of this image that we get stuck in the same cycles of bad relationships. If you dress like a prostitute, then people are going to treat you like you are one. Unfortunately the first perceptions of people around us are formed by external appearances.

A friend of mine told me recently that we attract people who have the same qualities as we do. If you have poor self esteem, then likely you will attract other people who have poor self esteem. We get stuck in those same cycles of relationships because of how we look, dress, and act. If you are in a spot in your life where you are unhappy, take a look around you. Are people treating you like you are "easy" because you dress and/or act like it? Maybe you need to change how you act or how you dress or where you hang out to get the cycle to stop.

I don't think that there is a one-size-fits-all solution to the problem, but I do think that there is something that will help. Instead of going after a person because they look "easy," wait until you find someone who looks "special to you."

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 10:47 AM 0 comments    

Help me buy an island.
Thursday, September 02, 2004

I want an island of my own. I think that we all need a place where we can "get away from it all." For some people that may be as close as the bathtub, for others (like me) that place is a villa on Gallinaro Island, just north of Corsica in the Mediterranean Sea. An Italian villa is just what I need. Unfortunately, due to the cost of the island and villa (14,000,000.00 Euros = 17,043,986.45 United States Dollars) I cannot buy this island by myself. That's where you come in. By donating money to me, you will allow me to buy this wonderful piece of real estate. And as a thank you, I will send everyone who donates money towards me buying this island a postcard from the island. Just think about it. Your very own postcard mailed to you from an island off the coast of Italy. We both win. So, please donate today. To help you out I have provided you with a link at the bottom of this post and one on the right column under the archives.

I have included some pictures of the island that I wish to buy. Please note that all pictures are the property of Private Islands Online.

Here is the first picture of Gallinaro Island:

This is a picture of where I would love to be swimming right now:


And in case you were wondering, here is a map of the island:
Island Map

Posted byJ. R. Guinness at 3:46 PM 0 comments